If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
