I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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