I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
should my penis look like a turkey
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
