so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Oh god it's open bar.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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