Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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