did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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