you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
