I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I think I have vodka in my lungs
ttyl tear gas
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He better not be in your backpack
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
