God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Less talking, more tequila
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
