This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
