Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
