As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I am one with the molecules
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
