I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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