He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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