It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
