so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You don't make any sense
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