Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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