No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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