So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
