you would pick up someone in the library
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
