butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
