well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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