you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i just google imaged poop.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
