I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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