so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
