You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
