dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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