it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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