just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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