After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I think your dad took our porno
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
