Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
