you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
