It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
