Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
