I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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