I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I believe in your delicious
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
