nut hugger
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
