You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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