You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
