I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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