How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I checked into jail on foursquare
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
