I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
