Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
