i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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