Me too!
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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