The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
3 2 1 whiskey
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
