Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
