; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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