You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
