so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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