you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
