At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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