I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
