Your face is a jimmy john
We named our party play list daddy issues
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
