Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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