Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
