Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
