I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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