i was rollin on her like bob the builder
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Oh god it's open bar.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
